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The approach of winter |
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Dec. 8 5:00 p.m. - It's starting to snow, the first of the season, and the wife and I took our buttered rum and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was so beautiful. Dec. 9 - We awoke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantel. I shoveled snow for the first time in years, and I loved it. I did both our driveway and our sidewalks. Later the snowplow came along and covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. He smiled and I waved back. I shoveled it again. Dec. 12 - The sun has melted most of our lovely snow. Oh well, I'm sure we'll get a little more before this lovely winter is over. Dec. 14 - It snowed 8 inches last night and the temperature dropped to about 0 degrees. Shoveled the sidewalk and driveway again. Shortly the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Dec. 15 - Sold our car and bought a 4x4 Blazer so we could get through the snow. Bought snow tires for the truck. Dec. 18 - Fell on my Ass on the ice in the driveway. $23.00 to the chiropractor, but nothing was broken, thank God! The damn sky is getting dark again. Dec. 19 - Still cold (-10 this a.m.) Icy roads making for very tough driving. Slid into a guard rail with my wife's car. Probably a $100.00 damage or so. She's pissed-off. Dec. 20 - Had another 14 inches of the white shit last night. More shoveling in store for me today. That damned snowplow came by twice. Dec. 22 - We are assured of a white Christmas because another 7 inches of that white shit fell today and with this freezing weather it won't melt till August! Got all dressed up to go out and shovel that shit again. (Boots, snowsuit, jacket, scarf, earmuffs, gloves, etc...) then got the urge to pee. Dec 24 - If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then comes down the street 100 miles an hour and throws that white shit everywhere. Dec. 25 - MERRY CHRISTMAS... they predict 12 more inches of the mucking white stuff tonight. Does anyone know how many damned shovels full of snow 12 inches is? To hell with Santa, he doesn't have to shovel that white shit. The snowplow driver came by asking for a donation. I hit him with my ice axe. Dec. 28 - We got 11 more inches. I must be going snowblind or have a severe case of depression. Dec. 29 - The toilet froze and the roof is starting to cave-in. If you go outside, don't eat the brown snow. Dec. 30 - I torched the damned house ... moving back to Florida!
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IMPORTANT |
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No teddy bears were kidnapped,
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All jokes have been printed on
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NOTE: Many of the jokes have
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